if you’re a mom with ADHD (diagnosed, recently diagnosed or just deep diving on the internet wondering what is wrong with you) and you feel overwhelmed by literally everything motherhood asks of you, you are not alone!!

being a mom is overwhelming for pretty much everyone. add ADHD on top of that and honestly, some days it can feel paralyzing. this post is the encouragement i wish someone had given me when i first became a mom.

this post is based on an episode of the Hot Mess Habits podcast. listen to the full episode on spotify here or watch on youtube below:

Why Becoming a Mom Made My ADHD Worse (and What Helped)

what no one tells you about ADHD and motherhood

when i had my first baby, the thing that shocked me most was how wild my ADHD symptoms got. even though I got diagnosed late in life, I thought I had somewhat had a handle on managing my ADHD, but it turns out I underestimated my skills.

when we talk about maternal mental health, the conversation is usually about postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety (and even those get brushed off way too often!!!). but ADHD in moms is barely on the radar. It is very easy to get screened for postpartum depression, not check any of the boxes and yet but still be deeply struggling.

here’s the thing i wish more people understood: ADHD isn’t just about attention. it affects emotional regulation, sensory processing, and executive function. and executive function is the big one for moms. it’s the skill set you need for feeding schedules, running on no sleep, planning meals, and keeping a tiny human alive.

ADHD in women is also super misunderstood. a lot of us grew up thinking ADHD was a “young childhood boy” thing that people will grow out of. many women have inattentive ADHD and spent years masking, so it shows up differently and often gets diagnosed later in life.

why becoming a mom made my ADHD feel worse

before kids, there were days and seasons where I could do things based on my feelings and symptoms. skipping a meal, staying up late, ghosting a doctor appointment are all one thing when they are affecting me, but now there is an actual child depending and relying on me.

this has forced me into routines i always loved the idea of but never stuck to. we eat at regular times now because there’s a toddler in the house. bedtime for them happens at the exact same time every day (and you know they are waking up early the next day), which helps me not stay up too late.

it’s okay to ask for help

when everything is living in your head with no outlet, motherhood gets so isolating. it can feel like nobody understands what’s happening up there and you’re drowning.

so this is your sign to have honest conversations about how you’re actually doing. for me, that’s meant learning to tell Levi “i’m not okay” and explaining what that really means: i can’t make a decision, i can’t order groceries, i can’t send a text, i’m stuck in fight or flight and don’t know how to get out. hard to say out loud, but so helpful.

sometimes this also means having more in depth conversations with a doctor, opening the door for medication or therapy.

progress isn’t linear (and that’s okay)

i used to think getting diagnosed meant i’d start at the bottom and get a little better every single year until i had my ADHD totally figured out.

unfortunately for all of us, that’s not how it works. mental health comes in waves. you’ll have good months where you feel on top of things, and then a harder stretch, and then back up again. what has changed for me is that as my systems and coping strategies have gotten better, the lows aren’t as deep. the waves are a little more chill.

and with kids, every season is unpredictable. the newborn fog with Theodore, then a surprise sleep regression when we moved and he was about two and a half, being sleep deprived all over again when you thought you were done. you learn to roll with it and lean on your systems and your people.

your capacity grows (i promise)

four months before i had Theodore, my sister-in-law had her fourth baby. i remember watching her be so calm and asking for advice. she told me your capacity grows. the first kid feels like the hardest thing in the world, then you have another and look back like, why was i so stressed?

she was so right. seasons that flattened me the first time feel so much more manageable now with my second. sleep deprivation, birth, the postpartum stretch: i thought i couldn’t do any of it, and i did. and every time i get through something hard, it reminds me that if i can do this with ADHD, i can do a lot.

if you’re pregnant and nervous about how your ADHD will handle motherhood, hold onto that. your capacity will grow!!!

REMINDER: you’re doing a great job

being a mom is hard. having ADHD is hard. but it doesn’t define you. there’s so much more to you, and habits, systems, and coping skills are all things you can learn to support yourself and your family.

if you’re at the beginning of this journey, you’re not alone. here’s to more research and resources for moms with ADHD in the years ahead!!!!

ready for the practical side? i shared the slightly unhinged things that actually help me day to day in 9 unhinged ADHD mom hacks that actually make life easier.

OTHER POSTS YOU MIGHT LIKE:

POSTPARTUM HABITS FOR ADHD MOMS
WHY YOU NEVER FINISH YOUR TO-DO LIST